《為何我們這樣相愛,那樣分手》在談情說愛中,學習愛別人和愛上最真實的自己
2021年10月22日
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《為何我們這樣相愛,那樣分手》在談情說愛中,學習愛別人和愛上最真實的自己

Written 誠品香港

愛情是一樣很神奇的東西,由兩個互不相干的人走在一起,相處、相愛,再一起生活與想像未來,兩個陌生人卻最終成為了最親密的人。但有時,我們會發現談戀愛真的好難,會迷失自己,也會傷害對方,在各種掙扎中忘記了戀愛其實單純得很,只是兩個人願意相愛而已。也許我們都談過幾場驚天動地的戀愛,但你真的懂得愛嗎?
 
此書以溫暖療癒的愛情語錄作每一章的開首,再以心理學的角度帶你走過每一個愛情的階段,由認識愛情、告白、在一起的苦與樂、分手到一個人療傷,解答你每一個愛情的難題,最後帶領你認識自己的內心,讓你學會在愛中做自己,同時也愛自己。其實戀愛,有時也是練愛。
 
 
愛情,我們可以慢慢來,或者浪漫的來。
 

作者簡介:幹話心理學
 
「我們從不說幹話,我們只談心理學。」
成立於2019年4月,希望透過詼諧有趣的語錄,結合心理學知識來讓大家更理解感情世界中不同關係間的互動模式。
 
注: 台灣人常用的「幹話」一詞就像香港人常用的「廢話」,指的是一些說了等於沒說或不切實際,但聽起來又好像有點道理的話語。
 

繪者:米斯特 miisteros

2014年開始插畫創作。圖文以兩性對話及時尚穿搭為主要風格。
記錄生活中關於「炫妻魔人的日常」。不愛香菜,擅長炫妻。
 

你是在練愛,還是戀愛
 

—你要好好愛自己,因為沒人要愛你
 
喜歡的人愛上了其他人而不是自己,所以懷疑自己不夠好、不夠漂亮嗎?單戀的痛苦會令我們想盡辦法去改變自己,迎合對方,但作者鼓勵單戀的人要表現出最真實的一面,不做作,別人才會愛上真正的你。多向鏡子鼓勵自己,試著每天說三次自己很棒吧!
 
而事實上,每個人的愛好、品味都不同,可能只是你不適合他而已,就算勉強在一起,愛情也不一定會長久。給自己多一點信心和耐性,了解自己、欣賞自己,才會找到一個也懂得欣賞你的人。
 

我喜歡你也剛好喜歡我的樣
 

—最近在家都不開燈,這樣就能偷偷暗戀你
 
你有想過所謂的「偶遇」,其實是對方刻意地安排好嗎?作者在這一章提出了一個有趣的心理現象—黑暗效應(Dark Effect),指的是在光線比較暗的場所約會時,因為彼此看不清對方表情與行為,就會比較容易減少戒備感,同時也更易表達自我感受,反而增加了安全感,所以人們約會時喜歡去沙灘看夜景或者去看電影。
 
如果你也有心儀的人,不妨試試這個小心機,可能會令約會更成功喔!
 

平淡分
 

—最近想買點調味料,因為我們的感情變淡了
 
明明在一起的時候需要兩個人的同意,但分開的時候都是一個人的決定?一段關係的結束,通常都不是大吵大鬧不歡而散,而是戀愛的感覺漸漸淡去,發覺早已不愛對方了。先別去罵那些「貪新忘舊」的人,其實這都是一個心理現象「習慣化」(Habituation),因為長期的陪伴和相處,產生了熟悉和習慣感,令關係變得平淡,但這並不代表不愛,只是關係中缺乏了一些新鮮感。
 
最後作者提醒我們「能陪你走得很久很遠的人,永遠不是那些會用花招讓你停下來的人,而是默默地牽著你走在一條平穩道路上的那個人。」
 

如果有一天,我們要練習一個
 

—以前是喜歡一個人,現在是喜歡一個人
 
無論是單身還是正處於一段關係中,都要時常練習一個人。
 
每個人都是獨立的個體,而有趣的是,我們都害怕孤獨,所以想找一個伴。但在關係開始之前,我們都應該要先習慣孤獨,在自我陪伴的過程中,了解自己的喜好、興趣、習慣、優點與缺點,一直做一個最真實的自己。就算最後分手了,但我們都不會為寂寞而害怕,而是重新調整步伐,等待下一次的相遇。
 

愛情裡的你,是誰
 

—沒有人是完美的,就像妳完全不美
 
你有想過為甚麼要談戀愛嗎?希望有人填補自己內心的空虛?為了未來組織一個幸福的家庭?無論是甚麼原因,我們都會在戀愛的過程中自我探索,與另一半相處的過程中更了解自己。我們總有很多缺點,但在得到對方的包容和同理後,會更願意去接納自己的不完美。同時,亦會因為對方的期待,而去慢慢改善,成為一個更好的自己。
 
「也許,正因為我們都不完美,才會更加期盼有一段完美的愛情。
而這段完美的愛,始終來自不完美的我們。」
 

帶這本書回家
 

《為何我們這樣相愛,那樣分手》
作者│幹話心理學
出版社│悅知文化
 
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